"On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the testimony was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire...Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the Lord's command the Israelites set out, and at His command they encamped."
Numbers 9:15-18
So I'm a little late posting update on the trip to Nassau. And by a little, I mean three months late!
There are loads of pictures and stories I want to share, but for now, an article I wrote about one of the residents at the AIDS clinic some students and I visited will have to suffice.
The AIDS issue of myMISSIONfulfilled was scheduled to come out in August, the deadline falling just after my return from the Bahamas. My assignment was to write about the missionaries who run the camp, but summer schedules and some tension with the camp owners prevented them from speaking into the story. As I thought about my time at the camp, another missionary stood out to me as the perfect subject, even though I hadn't actually interviewed her.
You've gotta love this girl! Her exuberant pose mimics one I used to strike with two other bold girls I love. The first summer I lived in Nashville, Emily and her mom and I would make this pose in their kitchen whenever one of us had something difficult to do. Emily's mom had the Willowtree Angel of Courage in her closet to remind her that she could do anything--and Em and I loved it! (They purchased the courage angle for me that summer and it has a prominent spot on a shelf in my bedroom.) So here's to three amazing women of courage!
I'm starting a new chapter in my life in Connecticut this week. Our family horse, Aiden, made a 24+ hour trek from Carlock, IL to Bridgewater, CT...and I suddenly find myself a full-time horse momma after six years off the job! (Taylor has been in the momma role these past six years, but now she's a college girl and it's my turn again.)
My dad sent us the sweetest e-mail regarding the move. Here's a little excerpt of what he wrote:
Aiden left Hunter Oaks at 10:40 a.m. in good spirits and in a box stall. I said goodbye to him with apples yesterday, treats today, told him that we all love him, that Chels will see him soon, and the rest of us before long. It was a bittersweet time for me. Chelsea and Taylor, I have lots of fond memories of time with you at Hunter Oaks and watching you ride lesson and leased horses and then, Scottie and Aiden. I am sad to see this time end and can only imagine what it is like for both of you when you left Scottie and Aiden behind. Sweet, because I am choosing Taylor's outlook, " I am happy that he will be with Chels and have a good home."
How great is my dad?! There's a quote from a Focus on the Family article that we used to repeat when I was young: "the best way to love your daughter is to love her guinea pig." I happened to have a series of guinea pigs, so it was very practical advice for my parents. I think the same wisdom applies to loving whatever your daughter's pet happens to be!
Here's a picture of Taylor and me with MaGeester shortly after we adopted him from our friends in Virginia, the Knopps. (A family from the same barn had purchased my other horse, Scottie, from us a year earlier, so it's been a neat relationship of buying and loving one another's horses!)
All of us have grown up a lot since then! As Taylor thoughtfully said tonight while we chatted on the phone, "I think Aiden's matured a lot." Read: she has done a fantastic job with him--hope her out-of-practice big sister doesn't mess him up! Here's a picture of Aiden and me when I (sort of) knew what I was doing:
*****
Waking up today felt like Christmas morning. I was giddy with excitement to see my boy! But driving out to the barn this evening to meet him, I had a profound sense that God is after something here: I'm meant to love the Giver more than the gift.
In vulnerability, can I just admit that I struggle with that?! Anyone else want to fess up? It's such an easy trap...we find ourselves with beautiful friendships, dazzling possessions, or some exciting new adventure...and suddenly we "want the Father's gifts more than the Father," as Tim Keller has succinctly put it. The opposite can be true, too, at least for me. In moments when I feel deprived of something, I can start to imagine that the something will fill me more than God can. I "feast" on it, as Sarah describes the tendency. How foolish to love His creation more than I love Him, the Creator! Crass idolatry.
So I was really praying about this whole thing tonight, and as I read from Valley of Vision, I came across a prayer for worship. Here's my favorite part in light of how God has been directing me tonight:
Crowns to give I have none, but what thou hast given I return, content to feel that everything is mine when it is thine, and the more fully mine when I have yielded it to thee.
I love that! Along this journey of figuring out the logistics of Aiden's cross-country move, I've felt that this horse business is significant. I moved to New England to know people outside the Church. To engage in the culture. To be obedient to the Lord and let Him use me as a worker in the Harvest. Building relationships at the barn seems like a strategic way to do that.
On a larger scale, money is tight here in Fairfield County, where the cost of living is extremely high. In his lesson on giving for our high schoolers last Sunday, an adult leader said, "Let me un-confuse you--giving is not just about money." Well put, I thought.
I know that I need to grow in my willingness to give generously out of my limited finances, but I also know that God is calling me to leverage other gifts in His service (namely, my apartment, which He's blessed me to be able to afford, and this horse, provided by my generous mom and dad).
Is it just me, or is there something profoundly relevant about Proverbs 3:9-10 here?
"Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine."
Many use these verses to preach the health and wealth gospel, which of course I think is a heinous interpretation. The point of the passage, I think, is that we're blessed to bless others. Just like in the Parable of the Talents, when we are responsible with that which God entrusts to us, He blesses us with more--so that our generosity can increase. I so want to excel in that art of giving!
So, Lord, in the sweetness of this blessing, I yield all I have and all I am to You.
*****
Home sweet home! The folks who were out at the barn tonight couldn't believe how quickly Aiden settled in. He even felt at home enough to make a quick escape while I was feeding him apples--he wandered across the aisle into his neighbor's empty stall...just to check out the grain bucket, you know!
My baby sister started college this week (!!), which means two things: 1.) that I am feeling really old and lamenting the fact that I'm NOT a college girl any longer a little more than usual, and 2.) that I'm beyond thrilled to live vicariously through her! For those of you who know sweet Taylor, she's doing great. And I'm planning a visit to Birmingham at the end of October :)
Meanwhile, I've been praising God for a full summer of exciting happenings on the New England college front! Truly, I'm just blown away by all that God has been up to. A little background is needed here:
During my senior year at Richmond, I seriously considered being on full-time staff with Greek InterVarsity. It's such an amazing ministry, and I had been so tremendously blessed by my staffworkers, Goodie and Carolyn, and by the support I received as a college girl who really wanted to see her chapter transformed by the gospel. In the end, I decided that as much as I loved college ministry, being on a college campus full time would limit my capacity to work with high school students. It was a tough choice because there is such a huge place in my heart for Greek ministry! Several of the jobs I applied for last year entailed some contact with college students--an exciting prospect. But when I took the job at Walnut Hill, I really didn't expect to be involved with college ministry beyond coordinating communications.
It's been such a huge perk of my job that I have gotten to spend time with the college crew. I love working with high school girls, but it's so refreshing to hang out with college girls. They're so wise and so much fun!
Okay, so here are the things I want to update you on:
1. Walnut Hill is partnering with IV!! I still almost can't contain my excitement over this--a church I love (and happen to work for) is partnering with a ministry I love! It's beautiful. Our new college pastor is on full-time staff with IV, pioneering a chapter at WestConn. I just know it's going to be amazing to watch as IV lends its many resources to a ministry that has been growing in significant ways over the past few years. New England campuses are under-resourced, so it's exciting to think about how Mike's ministry at WestConn could influence other New England schools, specifically those in Connecticut!
2. Another small-world connection... Maybe it's just because I'm such a social creature, but few things excite me more than small-world connections. I just love it when worlds collide! That happened in a really cool way this past month. Matt had mentioned a couple of months ago that one of his buddies from our church in Nashville, West End CC, was a WestConn grad. It seemed random, but I didn't think about it much beyond that conversation. More recently, he mentioned the guy again...and the following week, while our team was praying for one another, Mike shared a request for some more supporters. As I was praying for him, Matt's friend Pete came to mind and I thought, "I've really got to connect these two." I wasn't thinking of it as a financial solution so much, but more a potentially encouraging relationship for both Pete and Mike, two guys who care deeply about the spiritual condition of their alma mater's campus. So I asked Matt to help make it happen, and he called Pete almost immediately. Unbeknownst to Matt, Pete was in Connecticut at the time! And he told Matt he had planned to attend Walnut Hill that Sunday! The rest is history. We connected in the Fellowship Mall, I introduced him to Mike, and now he's on a mission to help Mike raise support for the ministry. (You can ask my sister how giddy I was on the day this all unfolded, since she was visiting that weekend.)
His plan is pretty genius: Publicize WestConn as a mission field to Southern Christians with lots of resources. It's brilliant, really. (And it's giving me some other ideas, which I'll write about in another post.) As Matt said, "there are two things the Church in the South has plenty of: people and money." And really, if there are two things the Church in New England is lacking, it's those! So we'll see what happens. But I'm overwhelmed at how good God is to arrange for these seemingly random meetings. I guess when your God is big, the world is always pretty small :)
3. Greek Conference Last semester, I was really burdened for the many, many girls who were going to be coming home from school for the summer. I began praying about how we as a church could help them to feel connected while they were home and about how we could bridge relationships between WestConn students and Walnut Hill students from other schools. We ended up having a girls' small group at my house before the Gathering (our summer college group) every week. It was such a sweet time of eating together and building relationships--one of the highlights of my summer, for sure! There were lots of neat relationships and conversations that came out of the summer, and all my girls went back to school leaving me VERY encouraged that there are passionate, incarnational Christian women on college campuses all over the Northeast.
One especially cool thing, though, was meeting a couple of girls who are involved in the Greek system at their schools (both in AXO)! It's been awesome to connect with them over something that's been so significant in my own life...and to know that God is using them in their chapters in amazing ways! One of them had been to Greek Conference in Charlotte (the same conference I went to in college) and shared a buzz she heard about IV possibly adding a New York location this year. She told me today that the buzz is for real--Greek Conference is coming up this way in October! So, I'm hoping to rally a group of Greek girls to go--and to volunteer that weekend as a leader.
If that weren't enough, Mike shared with me that an IV couple is pioneering the ministry at UConn this year--the guy will be working primarily with the undergrad chapter, and the girl will be starting a Greek chapter! As we talked, I started to put together that I met this girl--Alyssa--three years ago when I went to Orlando for a prospective staff weekend with Greek IV (yet another small-world connection)! At the time, she was pioneering a Greek chapter at UNH. I immediately loved her for her willingness to do ministry in New England. (Of course I never dreamed that God would eventually call me here! He's funny like that, you know.) But how cool is it that we have not only two undergraduate IV chapters in Connecticut, but now a Greek chapter as well?!
Even though I've taken an unintentional hiatus from blogging recently, I've still been writing! Here are the links to recent articles on myMISSIONfulfilled. As always, if you know of women in their 20s and 30s who might have interest in reading this missions-based online publication, please spread the word!
This is a How-to article about finding one's calling that I wrote for the college section of the site.
And this is a two-part missional Bible study about the Good Samaritan. I focused on the way this parable challenges our expectations about God, His Kingdom, and what He requires of His people. I'm indebted to Dr. Amy-Jill Levine, a sage professor at Vanderbilt's Divinity school and a good friend of my own beloved Jewish Studies professor, Dr. Frank Eakin, at U of R. I heard Dr. Levine when Dr. Eakin (who calls her "A.J.") invited her to speak on this parable at Richmond as part of the Weinstein lecture series. I never got to hear her speak while I lived in Nashville, but I've enjoyed her book "The Misunderstood Jew: The Church and the Scandal of the Jewish Jesus."Our theological persuasions may differ, but she is a brilliant woman who has greatly impacted my understanding of Jesus as a Palestinian Jew. Read Part I: "More Than You Expected to Give" here.
I know it's August, but it feels like a new year to me! Today/tomorrow is my one year anniversary of moving to Connecticut/starting at Walnut Hill. What faithfulness God has shown me this past year!
As the year mark has been approaching, I've been taking inventory of my life. I'm realizing that in my zeal to connect at Walnut Hill and to thrive in the ministry God's given me there, I have become one of those one-dimensional people; I'm not honing many interests outside of my life at work. I've sort of subsisted this past year on a pattern of ::work at Walnut Hill, eat with people from Walnut Hill, invest in people at Walnut Hill, socialize with people from Walnut Hill, sleep, repeat.:: When did I become that girl?! I'm realizing that I need to--have to!--take better care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. No buts about it. I love my job, but I need some balance in my life.
On my way home from Illinois two weeks ago, I made a list of things I want to prioritize this year. Like I said, I had been thinking of them as New Year's resolutions of sorts. So when I haphazardly flipped to a New Year's prayer in Valley of Vision(a collection of Puritan prayers I've been reading through) the following day, I took it as a kind of confirmation from the Lord that this is a new year and a new season. I just love the words:
O Lord,
Length of days does not profit me,
except the days are passed in thy presence
in thy service, to thy glory.
Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,
that I may not be one moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire to show forth thy praise;
` testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
thee, O Son, at my helm
thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.
Guide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy calls,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.
Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy counsel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.
May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.
So as I "launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year," I desire extra measures of grace and a deepening to take place in my heart as this prayer suggests. And seeking to be a whole person with diverse interests, here are the other things I've committed to pursue as God directs and allows:
Taking care of myself...
spiritually.
-I will make more time for Sabbath rest, committing to pray seriously (and listen) about how to cut back hours at Williams-Sonoma or quit altogether.
-I will manage my hours at Walnut Hill.
-I will seek "the solitary place," as a part of my daily routine, not just rushing through my Bible reading, but relishing time alone with the Lord.
physically. -I will go to doctors' appointments NO MATTER WHAT.
-I will not allow lack of time to keep me from the gym. Lifting for a few minutes or doing a little cardio is better than not going at all.
-I will eat healthier; I will not let busyness be an excuse for noshing on junk!
emotionally. -Recognizing that God has blessed me tremendously with amazing friends at church, I will also seek relationships outside of Walnut Hill.
-I will find a hobby! I will move forward on getting Aiden to Connecticut, unless God should close the door. I will look for a barn where I can enjoy my horse and also build fun friendships.
-I will connect with my local Tri Delta alumni chapter :)
-I will make time each week to maintain old friendships across the miles.
-I will intentionally seek a mentor.
mentally. -I will seek a way to get back in school to work on my M.Div. I will finish my Gordon-Conwell application.
-I will explore areas of theological interest and will read more (and watch the Bachelorette less!).
So there you go. If you consider yourself part of my community, feel free to hold me accountable when I'm letting passion for my job and my church overtake everything else in my life.
As I write this, my first post in months, I'm just beginning to grieve the passing of my Grandpa Russell. It seems surreal: we only lost Grandma a few months ago, and now the tears, the funerals in Champaign, IL and Evansville, IN, the whirlwind of emotions, will all be repeated. As I was leaving the office today, dressed in black but basking for a moment in the perfect Connecticut summer sun, my mind drifted to a plane ride from Chicago to Zurich about this time four years ago.
I was headed to Perugia, Italy via Switzerland and then Rome when I met a man who shamed me in my understanding of death and dying.
He was dressed in a grey burlap robe that touched the floor, and his navy baseball cap looked out of place perched atop his shaven head.At first he struck me as Middle Eastern.It took me a moment to notice the rosary beads and cross draped around his waste in a belt-like fashion.As he slung his bag into the storage compartment, he smiled and made a joke about the small seats, indicating that he would need to get past the aisle seat I was struggling to settle into.I returned the smile as I let him pass and asked where he was from.“I’m French,” he replied, not answering my question directly, but claiming his nationality.I learned that he was a Catholic monk and had moved to Peoria, Illinois, about an hour from my hometown, to live in a monastery there.He was traveling home to France to attend the funeral of his monastery’s founder.
When I offered my condolences, he quickly replied, "For us it's not a sad thing. It's the best thing that could happen." Holding my John Piper book and my Bible, I felt suddenly ashamed. Of course! Shouldn't I, the protestant girl with all the good theology, know about hoping for Heaven?
To my dismay, he fell asleep almost immediately and our social interaction was cut short. But I shall never forget the wise monk who understood the secret of "looking for the city that is to come" (Hebrews 13:14).
I praised God for that Frenchman today as I walked to my car. There are many tears to come this weekend as I grieve the loss of my dear Grandpa in this life. But I am trying desperately to hold on to those words from the Swiss Air flight four years ago: "It's the best thing that could happen."
As Christians, we hold these two things in tension: the bitterness of losing a brother of sister in this life and the joy in knowing that the gospel has achieved its fullness in them in the next life.
The Caedmon's Call lyrics that cheered me in my grandma's death this fall put it well:
there's a Land where our shackles turn to diamonds and we trade in our rags for a royal crown on that Day our oppressors hold no power and the doors of the King are thrown wide
Thank you, Jesus, that you conquered death and the grave. Thank you that you are the resurrection and the life (John 11:25).
because in spite of all this brokenness it's good He's weaving it together for good
These are words from my dear friend, Sarah. You would just love her if you knew her. She is wise and poetic and full of grace, even on gchat, which is where she typed out these words to me sometime last year when I was living in Nashville. Her words, which are scribbled on the page of my quote book (a little book where I stash sweet nuggets of truth from good books and movies and such), came to mind last night. This world in which we find ourselves is so very broken, indeed.
I've only been back in the office for two days after my Cayman getaway, but our church is currently standing with some friends who are facing grave injustices. Yesterday some of the staff gathered to pray over a heartbreaking situation and today my team sprung into action to minister in another set of circumstances. I'm feeling drained tonight, but also strangely encouraged by the role God permits us to play in advocating for justice.
Sharon Cohn, the Vice President of International Justice Mission, wisely said (in a speech at InterVarsity's Urbana conference), "God is not knocked backward by the massiveness of the need. It does not blur the contours of each person He so passionately loves and He so doggedly pursues." I cling to those words on days like this, when I feel worn out in ministry and overwhelmed by the need. The speech is worth watching. View it here.
Oh, Jesus, how we long that you might bring your Kingdom in its fullness! May we be used of you as agents of justice to usher it in.
The AIDS issue of myMISSIONfulfilled was scheduled to come out in August, the deadline falling just after my return from the Bahamas. My assignment was to write about the missionaries who run the camp, but summer schedules and some tension with the camp owners prevented them from speaking into the story. As I thought about my time at the camp, another missionary stood out to me as the perfect subject, even though I hadn't actually interviewed her.
