Beauty and Affliction

"But two things pierce the human soul," wrote Simone Weil, "beauty and affliction."

Sweet friends at Anna's

The words of the Christian mystic ring especially true in Nassau, where we experience such humbling beauty and such immense pain--all in concentrated time and space. Our hearts are pricked, and we are not the same again.

Having just returned from the second annual April edition of the Nassau trip, my heart is full and also achy this morning. It gets harder to leave that place each time. And although I'm so proud of our little team and what we accomplished in only three full days on the worksite, the time flew by too quickly. I find myself wishing that today could be another day for piggyback rides and plaiting hair and sharing our peanut butter.

All of life to me is generally a bold and joy-filled adventure, with the difficult stuff inspiring as much wonder as the fun. But there's something about returning from Nassau that makes the breakneck pace of my cushy Connecticut life feel a little numb--and after this trip especially, in which the company was so sweet, the work so satisfying, and the experiences so rich with meaning.

The best little team--what a privilege to serve alongside these three!
(Photo creds to our dear friend Mindy Seeley at the ALC.)

The Project
It was a joyful encounter with God this past week to watch my three teammates create.  In their own unique ways, they are each desperately creative: Kim with her big ideas and her paint, Steve with his words (which I know are always taking shape in his head, even when he's not putting pen to paper), and Jon from behind the lens of his camera.

In a place that is characterized by rubble and trash, I am inspired by the way God has been inviting us to image forth His creative presence: first with Will's garden project last year, and now with Kim's project to invite the kids to help paint the classrooms at Carmichael Church.  As our relationships in the Carmichael neighborhood continue to blossom and flourish through the years, I pray that these creative marks left on their places will shape and empower the community.  Love creates, and creativity inspires courage.  Such is our ongoing calling in Nassau, I'm learning.

My girl Kiddi washing up.

Watching excited Haitian kids sponge paint flowers on the walls of their now canary-yellow Sunday school classroom, so giddy to participate in this work, to leave their imprint on a building where the entire community gathers, my heart could have burst.  We say with God that it is good (Genesis 1:24).

The All-Saints Visit
There were so many sweet moments with the team this past week, but one I will never forget is our brief visit to the All Saints Camp. I had not been back since Ms. Moxey's passing more than a year ago. I avoided a visit last April, and was ashamed at my relief when it wasn't feasible for me to go with the students this past July. It felt scary and hard to return to this place that I love, having lost our matriarch.

But as I prepared for last week's trip, I had the feeling that maybe it was time. And how appropriately timed with Easter because Ms. Moxey lived the resurrection life more fully than anyone I have ever known. True to her nickname, which means "force of character or determination," her contagious joy, reckless love for others, and inexplicable courage displayed the presence of God with her. Tim Keller writes, "The difference between knowing Christ and knowing the power of his resurrection is the difference between knowing a person and resembling a person." Ms. Moxey not only knew but closely resembled Jesus.  And as Keller goes on to say, "Death actually moves this process on to perfection." Standing at her memorial, thinking of her influence and the power of Christ in her, a flood of emotion washed over my aching heart.

I'm forever grateful to these three compassionate souls for their grace in going with me on that first dreaded pilgrimage back, and for giving me a few tearful moments to revel in the tension of pain and beauty, the longing for Ms. Moxey in this life and the joy at knowing she is with our Lord forever. Thank you, friends!

The Sunrise
Earlier that same morning we had one of the most transcendent experiences I can remember, a stolen sunrise on Cabbage Beach that sums up the trip for me. We awoke at 5:00 a.m., eager to make the most of our last few hours on the island and jealous for one last glimpse of sun and sea. In the foggy stillness of those last minutes before first light, we made our way ungraciously to Paradise Island, racing the clock to find the perfect spot.

Cloud cover made the sunrise slow in coming. So after Jon shot the first blushed hues, we all got in the water to watch the rays unfurl their magic.

Just thinking about it still takes my breath away: The peaceful calm of the deserted beach. The perfect chill of the water and the subtle fierceness of its enveloping waves. The clouds becoming pinker and more saturated with each untainted moment. The quiet conversation about Jesus and life and beauty. And finally, the magnificent tangerine sun coming up giant and full, so compelling we couldn't take our eyes away. It was all so beautiful, it made my heart hurt.

With calm, easy strokes, our two bold swimmers made their way back to the beach to snap some photos and then out to us again in the water, laughing and carefree.  As I watched Kim and Stephen swim in the glow of that sparkling light, I couldn't help but think of the limitless possibility their young lives hold. Their college choices may still be uncertain--but they will change the world, those two. Kim with her diligence and organization and her ability to make plans come together so effortlessly. And Stephen, like his namesake the martyr, with his inspiring words and boldness to speak about God's goodness.  I'm so proud of them and so thankful for the ways in which their hearts have been pierced for the things of God: His creation, His people, His beauty, His participation in suffering.

Fortunately for us, and for our Haitian friends with all their suffering and all their joy, the sunrise reminds us: "His mercies are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!" (Lamentations 3:23).

We do not want merely to see beauty... we want something else which can hardly be put into words- to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. 
- C.S. Lewis

Our good friend and member of the ALC family, Kevin, was a godsend to us! He also painted the dove on the wall.

Aiden MaGee Moves to CT! (lessons in loving the Giver)

I'm starting a new chapter in my life in Connecticut this week. Our family horse, Aiden, made a 24+ hour trek from Carlock, IL to Bridgewater, CT...and I suddenly find myself a full-time horse momma after six years off the job! (Taylor has been in the momma role these past six years, but now she's a college girl and it's my turn again.)

My dad sent us the sweetest e-mail regarding the move. Here's a little excerpt of what he wrote:

Aiden left Hunter Oaks at 10:40 a.m. in good spirits and in a box stall. I said goodbye to him with apples yesterday, treats today, told him that we all love him, that Chels will see him soon, and the rest of us before long. It was a bittersweet time for me. Chelsea and Taylor, I have lots of fond memories of time with you at Hunter Oaks and watching you ride lesson and leased horses and then, Scottie and Aiden. I am sad to see this time end and can only imagine what it is like for both of you when you left Scottie and Aiden behind. Sweet, because I am choosing Taylor's outlook, " I am happy that he will be with Chels and have a good home."

How great is my dad?! There's a quote from a Focus on the Family article that we used to repeat when I was young: "the best way to love your daughter is to love her guinea pig." I happened to have a series of guinea pigs, so it was very practical advice for my parents. I think the same wisdom applies to loving whatever your daughter's pet happens to be!

Here's a picture of Taylor and me with MaGeester shortly after we adopted him from our friends in Virginia, the Knopps. (A family from the same barn had purchased my other horse, Scottie, from us a year earlier, so it's been a neat relationship of buying and loving one another's horses!)


All of us have grown up a lot since then! As Taylor thoughtfully said tonight while we chatted on the phone, "I think Aiden's matured a lot." Read: she has done a fantastic job with him--hope her out-of-practice big sister doesn't mess him up! Here's a picture of Aiden and me when I (sort of) knew what I was doing:

*****

Waking up today felt like Christmas morning. I was giddy with excitement to see my boy! But driving out to the barn this evening to meet him, I had a profound sense that God is after something here: I'm meant to love the Giver more than the gift.

In vulnerability, can I just admit that I struggle with that?! Anyone else want to fess up? It's such an easy trap...we find ourselves with beautiful friendships, dazzling possessions, or some exciting new adventure...and suddenly we "want the Father's gifts more than the Father," as Tim Keller has succinctly put it. The opposite can be true, too, at least for me. In moments when I feel deprived of something, I can start to imagine that the something will fill me more than God can. I "feast" on it, as Sarah describes the tendency. How foolish to love His creation more than I love Him, the Creator! Crass idolatry.

So I was really praying about this whole thing tonight, and as I read from Valley of Vision, I came across a prayer for worship. Here's my favorite part in light of how God has been directing me tonight:

Crowns to give I have none,
but what thou hast given I return,
content to feel that everything is mine when it is thine,
and the more fully mine when I have yielded it to thee.

I love that! Along this journey of figuring out the logistics of Aiden's cross-country move, I've felt that this horse business is significant. I moved to New England to know people outside the Church. To engage in the culture. To be obedient to the Lord and let Him use me as a worker in the Harvest. Building relationships at the barn seems like a strategic way to do that.

On a larger scale, money is tight here in Fairfield County, where the cost of living is extremely high. In his lesson on giving for our high schoolers last Sunday, an adult leader said, "Let me un-confuse you--giving is not just about money." Well put, I thought.

I know that I need to grow in my willingness to give generously out of my limited finances, but I also know that God is calling me to leverage other gifts in His service (namely, my apartment, which He's blessed me to be able to afford, and this horse, provided by my generous mom and dad).

Is it just me, or is there something profoundly relevant about Proverbs 3:9-10 here?

"Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine."

Many use these verses to preach the health and wealth gospel, which of course I think is a heinous interpretation. The point of the passage, I think, is that we're blessed to bless others. Just like in the Parable of the Talents, when we are responsible with that which God entrusts to us, He blesses us with more--so that our generosity can increase. I so want to excel in that art of giving!

So, Lord, in the sweetness of this blessing, I yield all I have and all I am to You.

*****

Home sweet home! The folks who were out at the barn tonight couldn't believe how quickly Aiden settled in. He even felt at home enough to make a quick escape while I was feeding him apples--he wandered across the aisle into his neighbor's empty stall...just to check out the grain bucket, you know!

Advent Readings

In my quest to find Christmas afresh this year, I ordered a book of Advent meditations called Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus: Experiencing the Peace and Promise of Christmas. It's a collection of 22 essays and sermons by theologians such as John Piper, Tim Keller, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, and R.C. Sproul. It also includes a sermon excerpt of Skip Ryan's, who is the chaplain of Asian Access and a Dallas friend's pastor at Park Cities Pres! The book draws its title from Charles Wesley's hymn by the same name. Check out the lyrics of this lesser known hymn--they're incredible!

These readings have been a beautiful complement to the daily Advent Scriptures. I thought I would share a little snippet with you in order to endorse the book. Keller writes:

'In the first chapter of Luke, Elizabeth says, "Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished." Elizabeth is saying to Mary--and to us--"if you really believe what the angel told you about this baby, if you take it in, you'll be blessed.'

"But our English word 'blessed' is so limp and lightweight. In English we use blessed to mean something like 'inspired.' But in the Hebrew and Greek Scriptures, the word for blessed meant something much deeper than that. To be blessed brings you back to full shalom, full human functioning; if makes you everything God meant for you to be. To be blessed is to be strengthened and repaired in every one of your human capacities, to be utterly transformed.

"What Elizabeth is saying to Mary, and what Luke is saying to us is, 'Do you believe that this beautiful idea of the Incarnation will really happen? If you believe it, and if you will take it into the center of your life, you're blessed, transformed, and utterly changed.'"

I love that! To internalize the Incarnation is to be transformed into all that God intended us to be (i.e. to be regenerated by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit).

So even as this week feels a little frantic, I'm determined not to "bustle about but only in vain" (Psalm 39:6), but in all things to "believe that what the Lord has said will be accomplished" (Luke 1:45).

Grace and peace,
Chelsea

A Prodigal Father and His Less-than-loving Sons

I just love it when I learn of a great author or teacher, and then start hearing about him or her everywhere I turn. Tim Keller has been like that for me recently.

Keller, the pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in Manhattan, made an appearance at a local church last night to talk about his new book, The Prodigal God. Listening to him speak from an overflow room (the church was literally packed out), I was easily persuaded that far more than promoting book sales, this man's heart was to see Christians live in such a way that their faith would be attractive to the world. I'm not talking about seeker-sensitive services or programs, but about real heart-change that is contagious. I was convicted and encouraged beyond belief.

Keller's new book is called The Prodigal God. I had heard before (in a sermon at my church in Richmond) that prodigal means "recklessly or wastefully extravagant; lavish." Of course the adjective could very well refer to the story's younger son, who indeed spent his father's wealth wastefully. But a second glance reveals that it is the father who is most reckless with his wealth and his love. Therefore, the parable would be better titled "The Prodigal Father." (Keep in mind, of course, that the headings in our Bibles were not part of the Divinely inspired writings, but rather an addition of editors who compiled the Canon centuries later.)

Explaining the application of the parable, Keller said that the rebellious Christian (the younger brother, who skipped town with his inheritance) and the legalist (the older brother who stuck around and did the right thing) sit in the same pew at church on Sundays...and unfortunately "both sons want the Father's things and not the Father." As Keller put it, one brother tries to be good and one is rebellious, but both are "outside of the feast." And at the end of the story, it's the bad boy who is saved while the good boy is so proud of his good works that he refuses to come into the feast. Keller pleaded with the audience to learn from the illustration of the older brother, who is too proud and too bitter to have compassion over his lost brother. To be a true older brother, he said, "you've got to be humbled to the dust but know that you're loved to the sky!"

This parable, meant to indict the Pharisees (and now us!) as "older brother" types isn't the only place in the New Testament where where we see the distinction between the rebellious son and the legalist. We see the Pharisee contrasted with the tax collector and the harlot again and again throughout Jesus' ministry. It seems God loves to ransom the most hopeless cases! The way He does this, according to Keller, is by sending a true older brother, His Son Jesus, with whom we are co-heirs of the Kingdom (Romans 8:17).

Keller told the story of a man whose younger brother was lost in Vietnam during the war. The older brother flew to Vietnam and went out into the jungle in search of his lost brother, and both the U.S. and the Communist troops so respected his commitment to his family that they allowed him to search unharmed. He explained that the true older brother goes after his younger brother, and at his own expense! And surely we need an "older brother" who flies not just from the States to Vietnam, but from Heaven to earth. The only way we can be brought back into the family, to join the feast, is at His expense.

At the end of the story, when the younger brother returns, the father puts a robe and a ring on him. The ring, Keller said, can only be a signet ring, the marking of association with a certain family in ancient culture. So, the father is adopting this lost son back into his family. Obviously it's a perfect picture of God's extravagant, reckless love toward those of us to belong to him because He has adopted us as sons (Romans 8:23).

Oh that we might hear the Father say to us "My son (or daughter), you are always with me and everything I have is yours" (Luke 5:31) so that we may rejoice when a younger brother returns home!



*Keller's podcasts can be downloaded for free from the iTunes store, and you can listen to his defense of faith in God (an Authors@Google talk) on youtube.com. I haven't been able to locate a talk on the Prodigal God anywhere online, so let me know if you come across something!