Beauty and Affliction

"But two things pierce the human soul," wrote Simone Weil, "beauty and affliction."

Sweet friends at Anna's

The words of the Christian mystic ring especially true in Nassau, where we experience such humbling beauty and such immense pain--all in concentrated time and space. Our hearts are pricked, and we are not the same again.

Having just returned from the second annual April edition of the Nassau trip, my heart is full and also achy this morning. It gets harder to leave that place each time. And although I'm so proud of our little team and what we accomplished in only three full days on the worksite, the time flew by too quickly. I find myself wishing that today could be another day for piggyback rides and plaiting hair and sharing our peanut butter.

All of life to me is generally a bold and joy-filled adventure, with the difficult stuff inspiring as much wonder as the fun. But there's something about returning from Nassau that makes the breakneck pace of my cushy Connecticut life feel a little numb--and after this trip especially, in which the company was so sweet, the work so satisfying, and the experiences so rich with meaning.

The best little team--what a privilege to serve alongside these three!
(Photo creds to our dear friend Mindy Seeley at the ALC.)

The Project
It was a joyful encounter with God this past week to watch my three teammates create.  In their own unique ways, they are each desperately creative: Kim with her big ideas and her paint, Steve with his words (which I know are always taking shape in his head, even when he's not putting pen to paper), and Jon from behind the lens of his camera.

In a place that is characterized by rubble and trash, I am inspired by the way God has been inviting us to image forth His creative presence: first with Will's garden project last year, and now with Kim's project to invite the kids to help paint the classrooms at Carmichael Church.  As our relationships in the Carmichael neighborhood continue to blossom and flourish through the years, I pray that these creative marks left on their places will shape and empower the community.  Love creates, and creativity inspires courage.  Such is our ongoing calling in Nassau, I'm learning.

My girl Kiddi washing up.

Watching excited Haitian kids sponge paint flowers on the walls of their now canary-yellow Sunday school classroom, so giddy to participate in this work, to leave their imprint on a building where the entire community gathers, my heart could have burst.  We say with God that it is good (Genesis 1:24).

The All-Saints Visit
There were so many sweet moments with the team this past week, but one I will never forget is our brief visit to the All Saints Camp. I had not been back since Ms. Moxey's passing more than a year ago. I avoided a visit last April, and was ashamed at my relief when it wasn't feasible for me to go with the students this past July. It felt scary and hard to return to this place that I love, having lost our matriarch.

But as I prepared for last week's trip, I had the feeling that maybe it was time. And how appropriately timed with Easter because Ms. Moxey lived the resurrection life more fully than anyone I have ever known. True to her nickname, which means "force of character or determination," her contagious joy, reckless love for others, and inexplicable courage displayed the presence of God with her. Tim Keller writes, "The difference between knowing Christ and knowing the power of his resurrection is the difference between knowing a person and resembling a person." Ms. Moxey not only knew but closely resembled Jesus.  And as Keller goes on to say, "Death actually moves this process on to perfection." Standing at her memorial, thinking of her influence and the power of Christ in her, a flood of emotion washed over my aching heart.

I'm forever grateful to these three compassionate souls for their grace in going with me on that first dreaded pilgrimage back, and for giving me a few tearful moments to revel in the tension of pain and beauty, the longing for Ms. Moxey in this life and the joy at knowing she is with our Lord forever. Thank you, friends!

The Sunrise
Earlier that same morning we had one of the most transcendent experiences I can remember, a stolen sunrise on Cabbage Beach that sums up the trip for me. We awoke at 5:00 a.m., eager to make the most of our last few hours on the island and jealous for one last glimpse of sun and sea. In the foggy stillness of those last minutes before first light, we made our way ungraciously to Paradise Island, racing the clock to find the perfect spot.

Cloud cover made the sunrise slow in coming. So after Jon shot the first blushed hues, we all got in the water to watch the rays unfurl their magic.

Just thinking about it still takes my breath away: The peaceful calm of the deserted beach. The perfect chill of the water and the subtle fierceness of its enveloping waves. The clouds becoming pinker and more saturated with each untainted moment. The quiet conversation about Jesus and life and beauty. And finally, the magnificent tangerine sun coming up giant and full, so compelling we couldn't take our eyes away. It was all so beautiful, it made my heart hurt.

With calm, easy strokes, our two bold swimmers made their way back to the beach to snap some photos and then out to us again in the water, laughing and carefree.  As I watched Kim and Stephen swim in the glow of that sparkling light, I couldn't help but think of the limitless possibility their young lives hold. Their college choices may still be uncertain--but they will change the world, those two. Kim with her diligence and organization and her ability to make plans come together so effortlessly. And Stephen, like his namesake the martyr, with his inspiring words and boldness to speak about God's goodness.  I'm so proud of them and so thankful for the ways in which their hearts have been pierced for the things of God: His creation, His people, His beauty, His participation in suffering.

Fortunately for us, and for our Haitian friends with all their suffering and all their joy, the sunrise reminds us: "His mercies are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!" (Lamentations 3:23).

We do not want merely to see beauty... we want something else which can hardly be put into words- to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. 
- C.S. Lewis

Our good friend and member of the ALC family, Kevin, was a godsend to us! He also painted the dove on the wall.

Nassau 2013: On learning to fight for the kids we love

 One of my students has started compiling stories and pictures from his teammates with the intention of putting together an anthology of our experiences in Nassau.  I love encouraging students to write, and I'm so proud of this year's team.  Here's my first stab at something to include in the anthology:

Mismatched sandals she calls slippers flop on rough terrain strewn with broken glass as she trails behind the bigger kids. Year after year, I watch them grow.

One who used to be our constant shadow, now elusive as he runs with a tougher crowd--bigger boys who trade in school for the shelter of the neighborhood gang. I see him only briefly, his once-sparkling eyes now hollow and lost. He hardly looks at me, hardly smiles that had-me-at-hello grin. Who will protect him, this darling boy who used to be protector of the little ones?

His younger brother smiles wide as ever, reminding me of the first PB&J we ever shared, the one he thanked God for in a beautiful 8-year-old prayer I wish I could remember by heart. He still greets me at the door with a shout and a toothless grin. He comes and goes more now, but still wants to play, still wants to talk. I ask him if he is studying hard, choosing good friends. "Yes ma'am," he says, meeting my eye. He tells me of his dream to go to the States. When we part ways at the end of the week, he hugs me long and hard, and I wonder how long he'll be little-boy enough to shamelessly hug the white woman who brings all her friends.

Another, the goofball of the family, looks at me with dancing eyes that promise mischief. He wears stolen sunglasses and a bandana tied like Bo peep's bonnet, making us all laugh. He answers to no one, not even to me, but looks out for the littler kids. He lies about having already had a snack and shares with a hungry neighbor. He runs ahead of the group and grins when I call him, weaving back and forth to keep an eye on us.

Their neighborhood friend has moved out of her family's plywood shanty and into one of the richer looking houses across the street. Some of the girls take me there reluctantly, saying she never comes out to play anymore. They tell me she lives with Ms. Rose because her momma kicked her out for being sassy. Ms. Rose beats her, they say. When she joins us one afternoon, she gives me her usual pout until I talk her down and tell her I've missed her and that we are going to have the best day. Finally a smile, and I cringe, thinking how they try to squelch her spirit. She is hard-as-nails to protect what they have tried to take from her. Later she comes climbing up the ladder to find me on the roof. I sternly tell her to get down, that I will find her in a few minutes. If only I had known it would be the only day we'd have all week, I'd have sprinted down and snuggled her so tight and never let go. The next day, Ms. Rose refuses to let her come and my heart is in my throat and I am imagining what is happening in that drug-lord house with its drawn blinds and all its secrets.

Her sister/cousin/friend--I only know they used to live in the same white shack--asks me about Connecticut, wants to know "is it fun there?" I laugh and tell her Connecticut is boring, that I love the Bahamas best. She says cable TV would make it fun here. I tell her I don't have cable either, and she stares at me in disbelief. "Connecticut is boring," she repeats, even and convinced. "I can come with you?" The next day, her voice on the other end of the phone shatters my foundation, leaves me reeling. I nearly double over as she tells me her momma has said she can come home to live with me. I stand there for what seems like forever, not speaking, evaluating my life and everything else I know, trying to think of an answer that will explain to a 12-year-old what I don't understand myself: why I have to leave her here. why life isn't fair. why some people live in shacks and others live in mansions. Gritting my teeth I tell her I can't take her with me. Promises to visit next year that used to seem adequate fall desperately short now.

The little one looks up wide-eyed--eyes that already have seen too much. She is obeying more than five days ago. We have made progress with this barely two-year-old wonder who was all backtalk and curse words and running out in the street at the beginning of the week and all smiles and snuggles and "yes ma'ams" at its close. The light in her is so bright, this half-pint fierce and full of daring. I wonder who she will become. Childhood slips away too quickly here; the others have taught me there's not much time.

farewell to a saint, sister, and friend

Summer Trips have just ended, and I still need to write and recap about Mississippi and Portland.  But tonight my heart is back in Nassau.  Our beautiful Bahamian sister and heroine of the faith, Ms. Moxey, has gone to be with Jesus.

It is a curious kind of sadness, loosing a saint in this life.  Beautiful because she is not sad!  She is, as my friend Tim reminded me, running with Jesus, just like she said she would.  And heart-wrenching because I won't have the great honor introducing my students to her again this side of heaven, or of sitting and holding her frail hand while she reads aloud the hundredth Psalm from her well-worn Bible for the hundredth time.

It's here at the barn, in the still of the night with only crickets chirping and horses munching the last of their dinner, that I got Tim's text.  I bury my head in Aiden's big, soft shoulder and cry the tears that have been stored up for this day since I first met Ms. Moxey two years ago.  Aiden is good company for teary-eyed moments--he reaches around to rest his head on my shoulder and lets out a deep sigh.  I'm not one of those animal-people who think that my horse has a soul and feels compassion; but I think of Romans 8:19-22, that the creation groans and waits for the world to be rescued from its brokenness.  My big thoroughbred is sighing with the rest of creation tonight {and every night}.  It reminds me that as I cry, I'm not the only one who senses deep down that things are not as they should be.

Ms. Moxey knew it, too.  Oh, how she knew it!  And her whole life was a revealing of the Kingdom that is both now and coming.  You could feel it so powerfully in her tiny little bedroom, as she talked about the goodness of God and the fierceness of His love.  Ms. Moxey taught us how to long for heaven, because heaven was so near when you were in her presence.

She also taught us how to live with boldness in the wait for heaven.  The Angel of Courage, I called her--so named for the Willow Tree Angel with her hands raised in triumph above her head, a posture Ms. Moxey often took to express her joy.  When I feel anxious or fretful, I think of Ms. Moxey, facing the hardships of her difficult life with her face set upon the God who promised good to her, unafraid of what horrors AIDS might bring her.

She taught us to trade bitterness for joy.  Never in my life have I known someone with more reason to live out of resentment, and yet my students will tell you--she was the most joyful person any of us has ever met!  It wasn't a put on, phoney-Christian kind of joy, either, but the kind that let you know she had most certainly been with Jesus.

And she is with him now.  Face to face at last.  Her body, once ravaged by AIDS, now restored to the perfection God intended in the Garden.  Her spirit, more alive than ever {though it's difficult to imagine how anyone could be more alive than Ms. Moxey!}, and her face, radiating the Father's glory in even greater brilliance than it did while she graced this earth.

My students have learned Ms. Moxey's lessons well.  Today, as one of my girls and I were--oddly enough--working on a little project for Pastor Joseph in Nassau, she said to me, "it just doesn't really matter what happens in my life, whether I get married or where I live.  That's nothing compared with the things I know God has for me to do."  Another called me after we heard the news tonight and said, "Chelsea, I can't even cry or be sad!  I'm just so full of joy that she is with Jesus, finally."  And so Ms. Moxey's legacy of joy in all circumstances lives on.

On my last visit to see her, it certainly seemed that it wouldn't be long.  A stroke had further wrecked her body this year, and she was less herself at times because of the heavy medication she hated taking. As I read to her from Revelation 21, tears threatened to choke the words:

 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

(Revelation 21:3-5)

As I read, she seemed to so especially close to Jesus, so ready to be Home!  

And tonight, as I think about this brave woman who has taught me so much about the heart of God, I too am longing for Home.

A Salute to My Friend Walter (and other random thoughts)

Confession: I am procrastinating.

I'm supposed to be writing my next freelance article, a little piece on how to spice up your prayer life. When I say it like that, it sounds kind of cheesy and culturally Christian, but I'm hoping it will be neither in the end. You can read it next month and tell me what you think...)

But instead of writing the article, I'm sitting in bed trying to get over my writer's block and listening to Christmas music.

You caught me. I'm still listening to Christmas music. It's just that this Indelible Grace album, "Your King Has Come" is so dang good! I know it's January, a new year and all, but I'm trying to get inspired here.

Anyway, I digress. As long as I'm procrastinating, I thought I'd share a link with you. One of my dearest friends from high school youth group, Walter Jennings, is just about to finish his time in the Marines. He called the other day to say that he made it back from Afghanistan safely! I'm super proud of him, of course, and I was especially excited when he told me that his picture made it in the Washington Post--I just love the Post--and CBS News, as well as Bloomington's local paper, The Pantagraph. Apparently Bravo Company, 1st Battalion 5th Marines had an incredibly successful mission. Pretty cool stuff!

Check it out!

Urge Congress to End Child Slavery: A Message from IJM

I received this e-mail from IJM and thought I'd post it here to let you know another way you can be involved in advocating for millions of children enslaved around the world. This month, I will be meeting with a Member of Congress in my new district in Connecticut to promote the Child Protection Compact Act (CPCA). You, too, can effect change by writing to your Representative in support of the CPCA. See IJM's e-mail below:

UNICEF estimates that there are nearly 2 million children in the commercial sex trade worldwide.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Cambodian law enforcement rescued Veata* (pictured at left with her IJM social worker) from a brothel at the age of 13 with the help of International Justice Mission. She’s healthy and happy today, living in a small aftercare home with caring staff who love her.

The traffickers who exploited her are serving 16-year sentences for their abuse.

You can help stop these crimes — Share your passion with your Member of Congress.

This month, hundreds of IJM supporters will meet with their Members of Congress to urge them to support the Child Protection Compact Act of 2009. This bill supports poor countries’ efforts to stand up to criminals that traffic children by investing in effective law enforcement that puts traffickers and slave owners out of business and behind bars.

Please help us make the abolition of child trafficking a priority for Congress by urging your Representative to cosponsor the Child Protection Compact Act today.

Help IJM Abolish Child Trafficking

Recording artist Sara Groves and husband Troy Groves meet with their Member
of Congress to Advocate for the Child Protection Compact Act.

I received an interesting e-mail yesterday afternoon from International Justice Mission. It's an organization that I'm passionate about, so I try to keep my readers (all 10 of you, haha) abreast of current IJM happenings and specifically, to let you know how you can be involved with this amazing ministry.

IJM's Justice Campaigns Department is currently coordinating an effort to pass a bill called the Child Protection Compact Act of 2009. According to the IJM website, the legislation is "designed to increase U.S. support to eradicate child trafficking in countries that have the will to end the crime but lack resources." (You can read the bill summary here.) Those of you who are familiar with IJM's work abroad know that this is one of the primary ways IJM seeks to bring the Biblical concept of justice to the two-thirds world. By providing foreign government and police officials with the necessary training and support, IJM has successfully begun a revolution of justice in Asia, Africa, and Central/South America. Additionally, equipping foreign nationals to lead the efforts maximizes IJM's influence and resources.

But the point of yesterday's e-mail wasn't just to inform supporters about the bill or to ask for their prayer support. Rather, it was to mobilize action on the part of the Western Church. IJM is asking Christians to be willing to speak personally with members of Congress. Boldness is called for. Sometimes being part of the justice revolution can feel so painfully out of reach, but IJM is taking the steps to make this small act of courage accessible to the average-Joe Christian. They'll schedule the appointment. They'll even train you (over the phone unless you happen to live in D.C.) how to speak candidly with your Member of Congress about the modern day slave trade and how this bill can help eradicate it in our generation. Sign me up!!

If you are moved by the plight of thousands of young women and girls sold into brothels every year, or by the widow and her starving children whose land has been seized by someone more powerful, or by Indian children in bondage at a brick factory, then I urge you to join with IJM (and with me!) in this endeavor. You can sign up for a meeting here. To read IJM stories of liberation, check out the casework bulletin. (A note of forewarning: these stories are not for the faint of heart! They will leave you moved and deeply convicted to get involved.)

"I take courage—I determine to forget all my other fears, and I march forward with a firmer step in the full assurance that my cause will bear me out, and that I shall be able to justify upon the clearest principles, every resolution in my hand, the avowed end of which is, the total abolition of the slave trade."
William Wilberforce, British Parliamentarian, slave trade abolitionist, and Christian hero
1759-1833

Urge President Obama to Help End Slavery

Please add your name to IJM's letter urging our new president to act on behalf of the oppressed around the world. You can read the letter and add your name, as well as find out other steps you can take to influence the global pursuit of justice and freedom, on the justice campaigns page of IJM's website.

IJM featured in January 19 issue of The New Yorker

I received an e-mail from the International Justice Mission plugging an article recently published in The New Yorker. In it, writer Samantha Powers brilliantly investigates the work of IJM and the life of Gary Haugen, the mission's founder. The IJM staff is praying that the article will be a catalyst for their fund raising efforts, as well as a bridge-builder with The New Yorker's many secular readers, so I thought I'd do my part to help circulate it (to all four of you who read my blog). You can read the fascinating article (my only complaint is that the end is negative), as well as view pictures and Q&A with Haugen, on IJM's website.

I especially loved what Haugen told Powers about his formative time in South Africa--where he was imprisoned briefly for attending a multicultural church--after graduating college:

"What struck me was that in a country just utterly caged by fear--where whites were terrified, blacks were terrified, where anybody who tried to do the right thing was going to get crushed--I got to be with these Christians who had the most surprising absence of fear. They just did the right thing...I came to believe that they lived that way because they actually believed that what Jesus said was true. And I found that, to the extent that I acted as if I believed what Jesus said was true, I lived without fear."

Haugen, a former InterVarsity student, is the author of two books published by IV Press: Good News about Injustice: A Witness of Courage in a Hurting World and Just Courage: God's Great Expedition for the Restless Christian. He is also the co-author of Terrify No More: Young Girls Held Captive and the Daring Undercover Operation to Win Their Freedom.

Blessed Is The Match

I was thrilled to log on to my computer at work this morning and see a link to the new documentary Blessed is the Match on Apple's website. This was the first I had heard of Hannah Senesh, a Hungarian Jew who escaped to Palestine and then courageously joined a team of parachuters into Eastern Europe to rescue oppressed Jews. The twenty-two-year-old poet helped to facilitate the only known outside rescue mission for Jews during the Holocaust before she was executed at the hand of Nazi soldiers.

The documentary hits theaters on January 28th. You can watch the trailer here.

Corrie ten Boom, a Christian who concealed Jews in her home in Holland and was later sent to a concentration camp, was one of my earliest heroines (thanks to my mom, who rented The Hiding Place for me about a million times while I was growing up). Since taking a film-based course on the Holocaust at Richmond, I am even more addicted to these stories of courage and rescue. Below are some suggestions for additional viewing:

The Hiding Place, 1975 feature film
Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch Christian who coordinated the underground network that protected Jews in Holland during the Holocaust, wrote that "faith is like radar which sees through the fog--the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see." Corrie, her sister Betsie, and their father hid many Jews within their Haarlam home, the Beje. Corrie and her sister suffered in prison and later at Ravensbruck, a German concentration camp. Betsie and Mr. ten Boom perished during their internment, but Corrie lived to tell the story and share the gospel around the world. When I was a little girl, my mom would urge me not to complain, reminding me that Corrie and Betsie found reason to praise God even for the lice in their barracks!

Weapons of the Spirit, 1989 documentary
Producer and editor Pierre Sauvage has called what happened in Le Chambon-sur-Lignon, France--the rescue of five thousand Jews by five thousand Huguenot Christians--"a conspiracy of goodness." In the documentary, Sauvage, who is himself a child Holocaust survivor rescued by the people of Le Chambon, interviews both Jews and Christians who have lived to tell the story. Sauvage probes the motives behind the courageous actions of this protestant community to better understhand the sparing of his own life and the lives of five thousand others. he commends the community, saying it was a people "uniquely committed to Jewish survival."

Schindler's List, 1993 feature film
Steven Spielberg directed this widely acclaimed story of the historic Oskar Schindler. Czech-born Schindler is a businessman in occupied Germany looking to get rich quick by hiding Jews to labor in his factory during the war. Through an unlikely chain of events, he inadvertently rescues more than one thousand Jews, and at the end of the war has a change of heart about his greed. The film closes with the actual descendants of the Jews Schindler concealed placing stones on his grave (a Jewish tradition to comfort family members of the deceased).

Amen, 2002 feature film
Greek-French filmmaker, Costa-Gavaras tells the story of the historical Kurt Gerstein, a German chemist who created the infamous chemical Zyklon B to solve water purification and sanitation problems throughout Germany. Gerstein, a man of strong Christian faith, is shocked to discover that the chemical he developed is being used to systematically exterminate the Jews. The film follows Gerstein on his quest to disclose the Nazi "final solution" to the rest of the western world. Along the way, he forms a friendship with a Catholic priest named Riccardo Fontana, who tries to use his father's Vatican ties to convince the Pope to act.